Here’s Why Charisma Tricks Aren’t The Key to Lasting Confidence

‘Fake it ‘Til You Make it’ might not be the best strategy after all

Luke Jackson
2 min readDec 15, 2019

As I look upon my time and energy I’ve spent trying to increase my confidence and ease from day to day, especially in social situations, it’s become more and more clear that the “skills” of charisma are not the key to one’s ease and ability to connect with people. It’s a false flag operation, and I will tell you why.

I will not tell you that learning charisma tricks and strategies are a waste of time, or that they won’t help you. I think they can be very helpful in revealing the psychology of human interaction, and give one a some useful tools to achieve some small, positive wins in employing those techniques.

Here’s what I’ve noticed from watching implementing, and reflecting on these strategies…

These strategies are built around the idea of mimicking confidence, mimicking the ease and comfort that comes with real inner strength in oneself.

There is something to be said about “faking it till you make it,” but is this really the best strategy? All of these actions or non-actions come from the beliefs we hold about ourselves and other people, every instinct we have, every physicality we hold, and every second of clear openness or self-editing. It is true that this strategy has been shown to, over time, gradually make someone feel better. But I don’t want to fake it, I want to BE it.

What would happen if you believed all the things about yourself that these charisma tricks might attempt to express outwardly? What would happen if you went to the root of these beliefs changed drastically for the better, not over a period of years, but in a period of days?

Belief change is one of the most powerful tools we have to create lasting change. You cannot do what goes against your subconscious or conscious beliefs; your programming will try to reject that new behavior you’re trying to adopt. It may fail, or it may succeed in keeping you in that same place you were in.

I don’t want to give it that chance to succeed, I don’t want to spend years gradually trying to learn these tricks to appear as something I’m not. I want to BE better, to BE that confident person, not merely ACT like it.

Maybe instead of practicing dodging and weaving techniques, we can instead learn to see past the illusion and change ourselves permanently for the better.



Luke Jackson

Designer. Musician. Writer.